Rainy Day Reminders: Live the Life You Love

This morning greeted me with a foggy head stumbling to the coffee pot while trying to shake off last night's awful dream in which I was still married to my ex-husband. I wondered in my dream state how that was possible when I left him nearly four years ago and have been living happily with a man who knows when to stop drinking and doesn't call me his "old lady."

I sat there sipping my coffee, bleary eyed and agitated, while I listened to the rain. It was a quiet kind of rain. The kind that almost sounds like someone saying "hush." The kind that demands to be felt and appreciated. The kind of rain that has the power to bring you back into the moment or send you back in time.

I've always loved the rain for many reasons, but today, I loved it solely for it's ability to wash away a world I felt trapped in. The dream clung to me longer than usual, but the relief I felt upon waking was so strong the dream lost it's power over me. It reminded me how far I've come, how I conquered the limits I set for myself as a young woman doomed to make the same mistakes as her mother. I broke away from that template for life and made my own way.

I, like my mother, married young and started a family barely out of high school. I followed in her footsteps in many ways. And like her, I found myself myself married to a man who was unfaithful, drank heavily, (my father abused drugs rather than alcohol) and believed that the wife belonged at home where he could be sure she wouldn't meet someone that could treat her better. Even when I realized that I deserved more I was afraid of breaking away and living for myself and my children. I didn't know how. I was never given the proper tools to be on my own.

Almost six years ago, I made the decision (much to his dismay) to go to college. As I finished my associates degree I was spending more and more time on campus, making excuses not to go home. At that time he was laid off work and the kids were in school. I wouldn't go home until the kids got home. I didn't want to be alone with him. He had grown increasingly pushy (to him, in marriage, no doesn't necessarily mean no). He was insecure and I was wounded by his unfaithfulness. Over time, I realized I didn't love him. I couldn't. So I finally made the decision I so desperately needed to make for me and my daughters. I needed to show them that women don't need to be controlled or kept in the shadows, that we have voices of our own, and can rise above the standards that have been set for us by the women that came before us.

I believe that our dreams tell us things we need to pay attention to. The dream I had last night is one that has haunted me for several months now and I think I finally know why.

Through quiet reflection I've come to see how strong I truly am. I graduated college and got a good job. I met someone who is my true match, someone who cares for me, asks for my opinion, dances with me, and shows my daughters how a real man should treat a woman.

My dream served as a reminder to be thankful for the life I now live and to always, always live the life I love. When the dream finally washed away with the rain (and the coffee) I felt such relief that it was just a dream. I'm not trapped in that life anymore. I simply had to open the door and step outside. And that's just what I did.

I do believe I've been duped

There are too many people out there looking for jobs right now, and you know what that means...

Lots of opportunities for scammers.

I just finished up a bit ghost writing project for a freelance writing company that promised to pay me a set rate on a specific day. I turned in the project. Got praise for my good work. And waited. And waited. And...you get the point.

I didn't get paid.

For the record, I got this position through a friend. His wife is the woman I wrote the document for. I thought, "Hey, I know this guy. This should be the real deal." Maybe I was wrong.

I sent a kind email asking if I had been mistaken on the payday and guess what? I waited some more. I finally got a response saying that she was waiting for the client to review the document and send it back for me to look over one last time, but that it could take a week before she even gets it back.

And that's when I realized I had just wasted three weeks of my life that I could have spent searching for a better job that will actually pay me. I doubt I will see a paycheck for my efforts. I will keep you posted.

Anybody have advice for job seekers trying to avoid these kinds of scams? Post your comments.

The Ghost in the Machine: The Ethics of Writing for Another Author

Among my job prospects this past month is a position ghost writing a book. I'm great with research and writing, but this just seems like cheating to me. Here's why:

The research is hasty and I'm not allowed to quote sources. Knowing little about the topic means I would normally rely on sources to back me up. I'm doing the very best I can to write everything I learn, being very thorough and not copying the work already done by others, but I'm not an expert on the topic and I question whether I would buy a book researched and written in two weeks by a person who has just learned the very basics.

And here's the kicker:

The client has accepted every draft of the project without any major revisions!

Now, I'm wondering who this guy is trying to cheat. And that's what lead me to questioning this whole idea of ghost writing.

What are your thoughts? Is ghost writing unethical? And who should be accountable, the client or the writers?

I've Graduated College, Now What?

It's been nearly a month since graduation and I am anxious to dive into work. I knew that it would take some time to find a job, but I'm an impatient person. I want to be working now. So what should I do in the meantime, aside from job hunting?

Blog of course!

Okay, so that probably won't get me far, but I have dedided to work on my professional portfolio. I probably should have done that long before graduation, but who has the time when in the middle of final exams and deadlines for major projects?

Nevertheless, here I am relearning to build a website from scratch and trying to incorporate my writing samples, in the hopes of obtaining a job. If nothing else, I hope to find some sort of freelance writing work. Dreamweaver is a chore.

For the writers out there, what are the best and worst resources you've found for building your online portfolios?

I will be posting a link to the portfolio soon. Stay tuned.

Love Your Work

I've always had a passion for photography.

When my oldest daughter was born, I decided it was a career path I wanted to pursue. For a short while I took some mail order classes for photography. I earned my certificate and got minimal experience with my cheap camera. I'm not sure how seriously anyone would take the mail order school thing. I was skeptical, but I did learn a lot about the importance of lighting and how to frame a subject. I remember little of what I learned about F-stops and apertures. I never really took the initiative to really get creative with my camera, because it was too easy to rely on the automatic settings.

I got a job working in a studio for a couple of years. You've probably seen them. They're in most malls across the country. Bright colors in the studio and there's usually a room right in the front window of the store so mall walkers can watch the photographer as she works diligently to make a baby smile, sometimes with amusing futility.

I really enjoyed the job, but there was very little room for creativity. We were given a 15-20 minute time limit to get those smiles, and there were specific pictures we were supposed to shoot. It was a job that could smother an artist.

On my own time, I took wedding and senior pictures for friends and family. I've always taken my children's pictures that I hand out to family members every year. I don't care for the ones they have done at school. They are the same pictures every other child gets and the photographer doesn't always know how to get the best smile out of my children, because like my job at the studio, this photographer is given
a time limit with no room for creativity. Not to mention, she has hundreds of other kids lining
up to get those shots. You know how it goes,
"sit on the stool, look at the birdie, say 'cheese'
*flash* Next."

I took my oldest daughter with me yesterday to help with a photo shoot that my cousin was doing. This cousin has become an incredible photographer, making me quite jealous that I never pursued my own business ventures in the field. It was an awesome and humbling experience. I know I have lots to learn about how to use my camera effectively to get those amazing shots...even if I never pursue it as a career. I just hope that it planted some inspiration in my daughter. Whether it's in photography or writing, or whatever else she might want to do, I want her to find something she loves and be passionate about her work.

Happiness

Here I am at the end of my college career (at least for now). I have three weeks to go. There are looming deadlines for some really big assignments, professors who have yet to clue me in to my grades for the semester, the graduation ceremony to plan for, and on top of all that there's still the rest of my life to keep up with. I've got kids with school programs to attend, archery competitions, birthday parties, job shadowing, and of course there's Michael and our weekly dance lessons, or just plain old date nights on the couch with a movie and some pizza when we're both too exhausted to do anything else. Life is hectic right now. Is it any wonder my migraines have increased over the past couple of months?

But, here's the thing. Even with all of that stress, I have nothing more than the daily struggles to complain about. I can claim ownership to those daily struggles. Those struggles are mine because I make time for the things I love. It's a challenge sometimes, but it's so worth it, because they make me happy.

For The Love of Shoes

Nike Women's Free Run+ 2 EXT Running Shoes (Google Affiliate Ad)

I came home from class one day a few weeks ago to find that Rachel, my seven year old, had arranged my shoes in neat little rows. This was a surprise to me considering I had bought her a shoe carousel a few months ago to organize her multitude of shoes and yet hers are all in a pile at the bottom of her closet. I guess that shouldn't be a shock when I tell you that I generally kick my shoes off into a spot next to my dresser, just below the one window I have in my apartment bedroom. Like mother, like daughter. I rarely put my shoes neatly away in my own closet, but when I do it only takes a few days before I have a huge pile of them in that same spot on my bedroom floor. I don't even remember wearing most of them, yet there they are.

Rachel has a love of shoes that started at an unusually young age. When she was just two years old, I remember walking out of a store holding her on my hip when we passed another mom with her little girl. The girl was about the same age as my Rachel. I remember one thing about her other than her age: her boots. Red cowgirl boots, to be exact. I look back on this moment and I see it in black and white, sort of like the early part of The Wizard of Oz, except the ruby slippers are boots and in this black and white part of the film, the boots are bright red.

As we passed the woman with her daughter, Rachel's eyes got big and she watched them walk all the way into the store then looked at me and said, "I love her boots" with such awe in her voice that I knew from that moment on I would have a little fashionista on my hands.

My own love of shoes goes hand-in-hand with the many hobbies I have. Over the past couple of years, I have been taking dance lessons with my boyfriend. Two-step, West Coast Swing, Double Two-step, and now Waltz. Our dance instructor is hoping to get us into competitions soon, but with our busy schedules, we are slow at putting together our routines. My dance shoes are far from glamorous, but they are quite likely my favorite pair of shoes because they allow me to do something I love. They are plain black with a low heal and the leather is worn and faded, but to me they are my most valuable pair of shoes.

There are of course my every day shoes, shoes for casual wear, formal wear, flip flops, boots (for when I go horse-back riding) boots (just-because) and my good ol' Chuck Taylors. Then there are my running shoes, my blue and white Nike+ tennis shoes with the chip that syncs to my iPhone so I can track my progress. I'm a sporadic runner, but I'm hoping to sign up for a 5k this summer, so I'm trying to take it more seriously. Today, I logged 2.5 miles. (Okay, I walked some of it, but it's a start.)

Add to all those shoes, my speed skates for our once a week trips to the rink and I'd say I have a pretty grand inventory of foot apparel that really isn't all that fashionable, but by golly, I have a lot of fun because of my feet. I think they deserve a nice pedicure for all the hard work.